Raising a selfless child in a very selfish world.

Pride go before the fall and all that blah blah blah but I can't help it. I am proud. I am proud of the child I am raising and I am proud of myself and my husband for raising her the way we do.

Everywhere around us people are infected with the me me me syndrome. They want it their way, in their time. We have become a world of selfish people. It is a world of companies offering to donate to causes if they get something out of it like you buying their products, a world where people expect to be given a shirt, a gift card, tickets to a movie etc to give blood, or canned goods to those who need food. Seems like it is becoming harder and harder to find people who give with expectation of nothing in return but that amazing warm feeling you get when you help.

Not so long ago, when I was growing up, you did things for others without any expectations. You shoveled your neighbors walk because they were 85, you raked leaves not for money but for the joy of jumping in them, you offered to help and meant it.

So at this point you are thinking, ok she is rambling, the title of this entry is raising a selfless child so where is the child raising part? I am getting to it, I promise.

Today my 11 year old and her Bestie had a lemonade stand. Something so very simple and something that has been done for oh I don't know the last 100 years or something. They did it to raise money for Oklahoma. They wanted to help people they have never met, will never meet and can offer them nothing in return. They raised $30.00 and were so proud you would think they had just made $30,000.

To me, the ability to raise a selfless child starts with being or at least trying to be a selfless parent. Bella and I were in the parking lot at Kroger one day. A man came up to us with a story about having his kids with him and running out of gas and it was going to cost him $10 to buy a gas can because the gas station wouldn't loan them out and then he would have to buy gas. Those of you who know our family know we live paycheck to paycheck. Like most people in this country live that way. But that day I had $15 in cash and I gave it to the man, wished him luck and we walked away. He offered to send me a check or bring cash back to me later and I said no that was ok that he should just pay it forward when he could and off we went to go Krogering. As we got farther away from the man and closer to the store Bella said something that broke my heart. She said that she wouldn't have given him anything because he was probably lying. That people were liars and would tell anyone anything to get what they wanted. It made me so sad. I told her that it didn't matter to me if he was telling the truth or not, that was between him and God. What was important to me was to be a helper. If I could help someone I should. God calls on us to be helpers.

So that is where you start. That is where you start raising a selfless child in a selfish world. You teach them to be helpers. We were taught that and it is our jobs to teach that to our children. Teach them to give. Give of their time, their money if they can, mostly to give expecting nothing in return.

Raising a brave child in a crazy world.

The dream. You wake up one morning, you take that test, you see that word.. PREGNANT. A mix of emotions come over you. Happiness, joy, disbelief, then.... fear. It hits you. You are now your mother. You are now the person who's job it is to help a tiny little person become an amazing adult. That's alot of pressure. For the next 9 months you buy tiny clothes, make lists, birth plans, go to classes, read books, eat foods you normally would never eat because the doctor says they are good for baby, you rest and dream and hope and imagine. What will she look like? What will he sound like? Who will she want to be? Who will he be? The worry and whys mix in with the hopes and dreams. Then comes that moment. You hear that first cry. This tiny amazing perfect creature is placed on your chest. You look at her, she looks at you and like a bolt of lightning you are hit with the most amazing, breath taking, world stopping love. A love like you have never known or dreamed was possible. I mean you loved that guy in high school right? World was going to end when you broke up. But then you met that man. The one you dreamed of. You married him and you could never imagine loving anyone as much as you love him. Then as you are looking at your child you realize you never knew how strong love could be.

Then it happens. The let you take her home. What are they, crazy? Do they understand what they are doing? Seriously, have they met you? You let the milk spoil, you let the gas tank get so low that you find yourself leaning forward on the way to the gas station because you know that just the force of you doing that will propel your car forward enough to get you there. You lock your keys in the car, forget to mail thank you notes, leave your towels on the floor. They are just giving you a baby? Have they lost their minds? But they do. They clip that little bracelet off that tiny chubby arm, remove that little baby low jack that keeps someone from walking off with her and they put her in your arms. Congratulations and Good Luck! what they don't say is "you're gonna need it."

Then your life together, as a family, begins. You ask your mother for advice which she gives, freely. They grow, they thrive and you start to think, hey yeah I got this. I am a mommy ROCKSTAR! Then one day the phone rings. You can't breathe. Your child was in danger. Something has happened and they assure you that your child is safe but there was a moment, just a brief second in their lives where they were in danger, where their little minds are changed forever, they learn that no matter where they are or who they are with they are never 100% safe. You have known this her whole life but you never wanted her to see it. Sure she knows that bad things happen, in other places, to other people. She has always felt safe.

This is one of those times where you wonder if teaching them to be brave, stand up for what is right, speak up when something feels wrong, were the right thing to do. You hear that she saw something and spoke up, she stood strong and gave her statement in a room with all these adults including the police and she was so brave but you were not there. You could not hold her hand or wrap her in your arms and protect her. You feel so very proud and so helpless at the same time. You want to tell her how proud you are and how brave she is and that she did the right thing. Then inside your head that little mommy voice is screaming "tell her to NEVER do that again. the brave ones get hurt. The brave ones become targets!"

So what do you do? How do you react? What type of person do you want her to be? This world is a scary dangerous place. We want people to stand up to the bullies, to go to the teacher if they hear a threat, tell the police what they know when something happens, but we don't want our child in danger. So what do you do? Sorry. I don't have that answer. I have been asking myself that same question all night. I keep hearing this little voice saying "remember, the only thing evil needs to thrive is for good men to do nothing". What if we all tell our kids, "stay out of it. mind your own business." What happens to the world they have to grow up in? What happens to the world that they will one day bring your grandchildren in to?

We have always told our daughter to be brave, stand up to the bullies, you hear about someone having a weapon at school you tell someone fast. If a police officer asks you a question you answer him with a strong clear voice. We want her to know that yes this is a scary world sometimes but we want her to know she can be brave. We wish that nothing like this will ever touch her and if we are honest with ourselves when or if a situation like a child with a weapon at school ever happens in your child's school you find yourself shocked. How did this happen at YOUR school, in YOUR town? This happens in other places but not here. We have all fooled ourselves into thinking this way. Protecting ourselves from the bad things. Sure bad things happen but we live in Mayberry. Nothing bad happens here. So when the reality hits you question everything you have ever thought, everything you have ever taught your child. Mayberry disappears back into the black and white world of TV Land.

So raising a brave child in a crazy world? I hope we are. I pray we are. I know that when she does the right thing I am filled with pride but also with fear. I think today, I will let the pride win. I will let the feeling of grabbing my amazing beautiful daughter and hiding her in her room for the next 20 years be pushed away. She is going to grow up, nothing I can do to stop that. So that brings me back to the same question I asked all those years ago as she was growing inside me. Who will she be?

New year, big changes

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!



I'm back! thought about it and decided new year, big plans and changes and it wouldn't hurt to write them all down. The goal for this year is to be a less and more year....

Worry LESS ~ PRAY MORE
eat LESS ~ move MORE
drive LESS ~ walk MORE
talk LESS ~ listen MORE
cry LESS ~ laugh MORE
spend LESS ~ save MORE
sit LESS ~ play MORE
watch LESS ~ read MORE

Less and More.... So where do you start? I was listening to Home and Family this morning while I made the bed and the expert had something very interesting to say. She said if you make your resolutions to broad then you will fail. Instead of saying "lose weight" make your goal "fit into my jeans" seems like a more attainable goal and you are less likely to quit. Instead of saying "no more sugar" quit drinking soda or cut that 2 scoops to 1. baby steps.

Speaking of baby steps We are starting the Dave Ramsey plan. The goal is to be able to live well within our means and buy a home of our own. It is always so frustrating to me that my husband works so hard and makes good money but we scrape by. Starting off with paying down debt, making what Dave calls the debt snowball. Gathering information and credit reports makes me want to close my eyes, stick my fingers in my ears and sing the theme to the Flintstones. But it is all about baby steps.

So big changes coming. Changing our eating habits, our spending habits.

I hope those of you who read this blog will continue to check in to see how we are doing. I hope to have some interesting things to say, things that will make you laugh, make you think, make you want to keep reading.

So HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! Lets make 2013 AMAZING!