So I am dealing with an extreme amount of mommy guilt. I cannot tell you the last time I had 10 minutes free of kids and pets and Kroger. Yes I get to go to Kroger free of kids and pets. WOOHOO I know it does smack of a Caribbean holiday doesn't it. NOT.
So why the double guilt? I worked SOOOO hard to have my kids. Years of blood work, exams, shots, tests, heart break, heart ache, miscarriage, more shots, more exams, more, more, more. God blesses me with beautiful healthy twins. I already had a beautiful daughter. I am so blessed. So whats my problem. I should not feel trapped or suffocated. I am blessed with 3 amazing honest to goodness miracles. I am blessed with a husband who works super hard so I can stay home with these blessings. Yep.
Home.
All the time.
24 hours a day.
7 days a week.
52 weeks a year.
So I won. I hit the infertility lottery. I don't have the right to complain. I don't have the right to feel like running away from home.
I don't have the right....
To Wish...
To Dream...
To Pray...
for 1 hour. just 1 hour where I am not smelling for poo, listening to screaming, answering questions, folding laundry, unloading/reloading the dishwasher, sorting coupons, making lists, packing lunches, wiping noses, cleaning every surface I see.
Just 1 hour.
So why do I feel so guilty?
It is SO ok to want some free time, some me time! I can struggle with it too. But it doesn't mean you are ungrateful for your children or the privilege to be at home with them. It's hard to be home all the time in the throes of mommyhood. Can u get a break anytime soon??
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