Heaven has a new angel....

I feel like when you have faith in the Lord there are few things in this life that are truly scary.

Then I became the mom to preemies.

No matter how big they are or how small

How well you are told they are doing

Or how many times you are told it doesn't look good

It all begins to roll together into one prayer

Lord PLEASE protect my child.

In April 2009 Shayne and I were expecting a precious long prayed for gift.

Identical twins.

We had celebrated, told the WORLD, made plans, fallen in love.

Then on a normal Tuesday, sun shining, people going about their lives, working in their yards, walking their dogs, pushing their kids on swings we sat in a dark room staring at a tv screen in disbelief as they searched and hunted for 2 tiny flickers. 2 tiny heartbeats that were there 4 days before beating strong and yet today they were not. Our babies had been taken from us. I have never felt that sort of pain and anger and sadness. We had waited so long and prayed SO hard. the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away... that didn't help. Grief seems to small a word. I was destroyed. A bomb had just been dropped into my happy world. I couldn't move, couldn't speak couldn't breathe.



Months went by and the world around me moved on as if nothing had changed. but my world was forever changed. I now knew the heartache of loosing a child. For the longest time I felt guilty thinking that way. After all I had not given birth to these girls, I had not looked in their eyes or held them in my arms so who was I to feel this way?

Then one day I was told by someone that no one loss is greater or less than another and when you loose a child or in my case children no matter when it happens if it is 12 weeks into a pregnancy, 12 minutes, hours days, months or years after birth the pain is real and it is ok to feel it. A life was there one moment and not the next. You loved that baby just as much in that moment as you would the day you were taken home to be with the Lord.

That was a dark day but nothing prepared me for the fear that came with becoming a mom of preemies. There is a special bond we all share, the knowledge of how quickly things can go from not only good to better to great but from bad to worse to hopeless. We come together to share our lives and support each other, we go from newbie shaken and new to this world of NICU's and medical terms and wires and tubes and beeps and alarms to being veterans who if you are lucky sit and support while watching your preemie run around acting crazy and being so happy. Then something happens and your world is shaken again. Someone who may live in the same city or the same state or may be 100's or 1000's of miles away or even in a different part of the world has to say goodbye. Your heart breaks in ways you never thought possible. You ask how can I help what can I do? You pray for strength and for peace on your heart and you pray for comfort for your friend. It doesn't seem like enough but it is all you have.

Isaiah 40:31 tells us "But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

How amazing is that. Through our pain and grief we will rise up on wings like eagles. The Lord renews us and restores our strength... just when we feel like we cannot cry one more tear, take one more step the Lord lifts us up, he dries our tears, he carries us until we can stand again. Peace is restored.

Yesterday heaven got a new angel. Madilynn Lee was welcomed into the Kingdom by her new friends Lucy Ann and Juliet who left me April 27th 2009 and have been resting in the Fathers arms waiting for me to join them. The tears on earth have fallen from so many while in heaven the songs of praise and thanksgiving rang out. Our children are whole, they are safe, they are healthy. There is no sadness and no pain. Only Peace.

My prayer this morning and every morning to come is that the members of this club, the ones who have said goodbye when they wanted to hold on so much longer, 1 more minute, 1 more hour, 1 more day, 1 more year, 1 lifetime it would never be enough, feel the love of their friends and family and most of all their Father. It takes time to heal and love and trust but He is going no where. He will be there to pick us up and carry us when the road is to long, to hard, to broken. One day their hearts will know peace.

My Pinterest Obsession GROWS

So I think we have all said the same thing....

You mean we are actually supposed to MAKE these things we PIN?

WHAT?

Is that like a RULE?

soooo... I have made a few things mostly recipes. Most of them have been a great success. But today I made my favorite craft to date....



The kids hospital hats and bracelets

I love the way it turned out. I will be hanging them tomorrow along with a lot of other photos...


SOOOOO EXCITED!

Here's Wyatt's up close

Maybe I will make more little projects later.

Oh and the 2nd best part of this project is the cost. $4.00 EACH! Yep that's all. Found the shadow boxes at Michaels last night and they were on sale for $4.00 so unless you count the cost of the kid that the hat was on it was a $4.00 project ($12 for all 3) If you do count the cost of the kid then you can't afford to do this project. TRUST ME.



OK thats NOT a toy....

So when its noon on a Wednesday and you say lets go take a bath and your kids squeal and RUN to the bathroom its a good day. Why noon on a Wednesday you ask? Well Willa Grace was having a bad hair day due to the amount of grape jelly in her hair from the pb and j sammies she had for lunch or rather she rubbed in her hair for lunch...

anywho.... So they are bathing and playing and loving the bubbles and this lasts almost an hour. Then they start with the signs that they are ready to get out, standing up, throwing toys out of the tub etc. So... I say

"Lets clean up our toys" and get the mesh bath toy bag out.

"Clean up Clean Up everybody everywhere. Clean Up Clean Up everybody do your share" we sing as they splash me with water and look at me like I am crazy help. As I reach for that last toy that is sitting on the bottom of the tub that is when I learn......


THIS IS NOT A TOY!

Yep that's how my day goes.

Hope you have a GREAT DAY!

Heartbreak and sadness

Today I lost my best furry friend. Miss Sassy Pants was layed to rest today. She was the best cat. Sassy started out life no bigger than your hand. We had just recently lost our dog of 11 years Snowball and I was engaged to Shayne and the wedding was fast approaching. My mom and sister decided they wanted another pet but didn't have the time to devote to a dog so they decided on a cat. Miss Sassy Pants was the 2nd one they got. A friend of my mothers had a cat who had just had kittens and she brought this ball of gray fur to school and there Miss Pants slept in the pocket of my mom's shirt. Fast forward a few years and we have moved home and are sharing a house with mom while I am pregnant with Isabella. Miss Pants one day crawled up onto my ever expanding bella(y) and stretched and layed down and that is where she stayed for the remainder of my pregnancy. The 2nd day Bella was home from the hospital as she lay sleeping in her bassinet I found Miss Pants also asleep at Bella's feet. My 2 girls. For months I would find Sassy in the bassinet with Bella and then in the crib with her. She would do this low growl and slap at anyone or any pet who came near her baby. Thus Miss Sassy Pants stopped being my moms cat and adopted me.When we moved to our own house Miss Sassy Pants came right along with us as loving but as grumpy as ever. She would lay in the hall and when one of the dogs would walk by her she would swat at them and slap their noses. She was a funny cat. I have always said I am NOT a cat person. Never really liked cats all that much. My dad had a cat who was MEAN and turned me off cats. But the thing was Miss Pants was not just a cat. She was more crazy old lady than cat. She came when called but on her terms. If I would say Sassy she would ignore me. If I called out Miss Pants! Here she came running. She was the same with cuddling. It was always on her terms. But when she was ready to cuddle she snuggled right into you and licked your hand or chin or forehead with her sandpaper kisses.

When I lost my twin girls I layed in bed for weeks just crying and unable to get up. Miss Pants slept right there beside me. When I would cry she would climb up on my pillow and lick my cheeks. She knew something was wrong and would climb on my belly and always had this look on her face like she didn't know what was wrong but knew something was. With the twins she was just like with Bella. The day we came home without them she walked around and couldn't figure it out. The day they came home from the NICU she was so excited. I layed them in their pack n play at the foot of my bed and she jumped on the bed and ran to the end to look at them. I got a good swat from her for trying to stop her from sleeping with them. She was a great cat. I cannot believe that she is gone and that I will not hear that soft purr anymore but I am better for having had her adopt me.

She was an avid reader :)

Skin care was important to her

loved her pillows

loved being in the grass even with a leash on

Our last picture together taken a short 12 hours before she left us.

$8.00 necklace holder!

This Christmas I received some wonderful necklaces from my mom and I had some from years past sitting in a box getting tangled. So I decided to make a necklace hanger for my room. I looked around online and never found what I really wanted and the prices were CRAZY. Sooo...

I had a light bulb moment. In my closet I had a picture frame I had picked up at Goodwill for $3.00.  I had a friend cut out a "b" and some polka dots out of black vinyl for $5.00. I had left over black ribbon from another project "FREE" and cup hooks were already on it because it was our stocking holder this year.

I added my ribbon and my vinyl and hung it on my wall. LOVE IT!

Healthy Eating

In the quest to make 2011 my last FAT year and make 2012 the year we turn all our eatting habits around I have been cooking alot of new recipes. Tonights